


Big Guy on Campus

by Mrpointyhorns



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Feels, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, PTSD, Real Friends, friends - Freeform, improper use of ellipses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:19:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6575131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrpointyhorns/pseuds/Mrpointyhorns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On an annual camp outwith some friends the weekend before Tommy Dawkins' senior year, he is attacked. Little does he know that the attack is going to change his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago, I read an article about why girls love vampires. The article said that fangs = fags and that girls love gay guys. The article went on like they to do explain how that works, but it made me decide to take this show and turn the fangs into fags. I wrote this as a result. I found them recently. Thought I would do something with them. Travis and Tim are a little smarter and a lot more mean than in the show. Sorry, they fit the part I guess...

It all started at the end of summer camping trip that Tommy had with his fellow students. It was a long weekend, four days five nights in the woods. They talked about girls, slept in, grilled hot dogs. It was great. Tommy was a senior, the quarterback for the varsity team, and C sometimes B minus student. Usually, he dreaded going back to school after the summer, but this year he was looking forward to it. He had his future all planned out. He’d play a little football, be scouted by State U, and get in with the varsity cheerleader. Once he did his four years in college, he would get drafted to the NFL, and he would marry his high school sweetheart. That was the plan anyway, but Tommy knew he was kidding himself on some levels. The thing was he had a secret. While all his friends talked about girls and dreamed about girls, this wasn’t the case for Tommy. He thought he was a late bloomer at first, but by the eighth grade he realized what was wrong. He liked guys. Not these guys on the camping trip. They were all straight that was for sure, and they had no respect for themselves. Plus these guys were his friends, his teammates, practically his family! He just wasn’t interested in any of them. However, he did like guys. Usually, they were unnamed, generic guys of his dreams, sometimes they were celebrities, but they were always guys. 

No one knew this of course, not his parents, not his brother and certainly not anyone at school. He played it up. Dated girls, slept with them, went after the head cheerleader, he knew he could have her, but the truth was he didn’t really want her. Yes, he could see that she was a pretty girl, very attractive, but he wasn’t attracted to her. Yet, he would blow his chances at the NFL if the truth came out, it was 1999 and acceptance for a professional gay sports player, in football, basketball, baseball or hockey wasn’t going to happen. Maybe after he retired he could come out. 

That was until the camping trip. No one had ever called him out on being gay before, but while he was staying with his friends at the camp grounds it happened. A guy from this other campsite found out or maybe he just knew. Why else would he follow Tommy as he walked away from his camp site? Why else would he be standing over Tommy and unbuttoning his belt and jeans?

“You should learn not to wander away from your friends,” The Man said. He rubbed Tommy’s penis. It was out because Tommy had just finished peeing on a nearby tree. When he heard rustling in the bushes he turned to investigate. The guy over took him. He was fast and strong; despite being fifteen maybe twenty years older. Now Tommy was on the ground with his pants at his knees and the guy hovering on top of him. “How old are you, kid?”

“Seventeen?” Tommy asked unsure. He started at the guy’s cock. It was long and purple. Tommy whined. He was scared. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want his first time with a guy to be with this guy, in the woods, next to the tree he just peed on. Yet when the guy put the cock to his mouth and told Tommy to open up. Tommy did as he was told. He sucked the guy in his mouth and got him nice and moist. Tommy knew he didn’t want this so why was he doing this? He wasn’t a small guy he could push the guy off if he wanted.

“You know why you won’t run or tell anyone?” The guy whispered like he knew Tommy’s thoughts.

Tommy shook his head. He gulped as The Man told him to turn over. He grabbed Tommy’s hips digging his nails in and moving Tommy’s hips up. He leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Because somehow you think you deserve this. You’ve done something wrong, but never been caught. You’re too much of a coward to tell the truth, so instead this is how you punish yourself. And you know what? I’m okay with that,” The Man said before entering him.

Tommy cried out in pain. It hurt so much. The Man had not prepared him at all. Was that part of the punishment too? Tommy knew what he did wrong. He liked guys. He wanted to be with a guy. Like this sick pervert who stalked high school boys in the woods and raped them. He was an evil person. He knew being gay was wrong. When he was growing up his parents always told him to treat people with respect no matter what race they were or what religion they were. They never said anything about gay people.  He didn’t even there was such a thing as a gay person until sex education class in Junior High. Whenever there was a gay character on television his parents would change the channel. If there was one in a movie they wouldn’t let him see the movie. He knew by their silence that it was dirty and wrong. He deserved this. He deserved to be raped. He wasn’t _trying_ hard enough to hide who he was. He wasn’t trying hard enough to be attracted to girls.

He was torn from his thoughts when his arms gave out and his face scrapped against the ground. He felt the dirt cling to his pores. When did he begin crying? The Man continued to pound into him for a long time. Tommy’s face continued to slipping over the dirt, the small rocks scraping his cheeks. He gripped his fingers into the dirt below his hand. He tasted dirt in his mouth. His thoughts had been so fifthly for such a long time it was only fitting.

He was _dirt_. 

He tried to think of other things. He wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening, but every time he would think about a good thing he would be jolted back to reality because he was being raped! It hurt and it was humiliating, but he didn’t yell and he didn’t fight, not really. “Please stop,” Tommy said, maybe, once, but it was small and meek. He knew he deserved it. The Man kept going, going, going. How come his friends weren’t looking for him? Hadn’t he been gone too long? Did they notice or care. Probably not. They’d been drinking. Tommy tasted some earlier, but he didn’t really like the taste so he only pretended to put it in his soda cans.

Eventually, it was over like all things are. It felt like it went on for 2659 hours, but when Tommy checked his watch back at camp it was less then thirty minutes. The Man left as quickly as he came. Tommy’s legs were sticky with sweat, cum and blood. He cried as he wiped his legs with his boxers. He vomited at his knees. He pulled his jeans over his raw flesh. He wiped the snot from his nose smearing the dirt over his face and messing up his hair even more. He wanted to be presentable, because he couldn’t imagine explaining what happened to his friends. His friends didn’t even look up when he return. Tommy said he felt sick and went to bed. They didn’t even tell him good night. Jerks.

 

They spent two more days there; The Man raped Tommy six more times, twice at night and four times during the day, once only 50 yards from the lake where his friends were goofing off. Tommy could see them in the lake, but he didn’t yell for them. He never yelled. 

He tried to fight more after the first time, but the moment he felt overpowered he stopped. He had some nasty bruises to show for it. He probably could have kept fighting, but he always gave up. He deserved what was coming, but felt that as long as he fought a little he still deserved to live.

His friends never noticed. He never _had_ to make an excuse about where he had been or if he was feeling well. They didn’t even notice the yellow bruise on his cheekbone! They were drunk for the entire time they were at the lake. Tommy wanted to believe that was the reason they weren’t concerned, but deep down he knew they didn’t really care about Tommy. They were friends because they enjoyed the same activities not because they cared about each other. Hell, he barely liked Brett. He was always hitting Tommy with his elbows, and he was always putting down people even when they were actually better than he was. It shouldn’t bother Tommy, but it did. Well it had before the camping trip. These days, he barely heard the comments.

Tommy is in his room thinking about that camping trip; and the days that followed: the first three days of his senior year. They didn’t go as planned. He thought he was hiding everything really well, that was until he met the new kid.  
  
Tommy had started his first day of school, not feeling excited like he was at the start of his camping trip, but detached. He didn’t care about starting school. It was just something that was happening to him. He knew it didn’t mean anything because deep down he knew what an awful person he was. The memories were already becoming foggy. It was like they happened to a different him or a dream him. He tried to act normal in front of people, and even though he felt numb on the inside he thought he was doing a great job.

He was already caught staring at Stacey (by his ‘friends’ who exchanged high fives with him). The only reason why he started to stare at her was because he realized that he couldn’t lie to himself anymore about her. He wasn’t even sure if he could lie to other people anymore, but he didn’t have to. People wanted to believe the lie. They wanted them to be together, because he was the quarterback and she was the head cheerleader. Those people would create truths that didn’t exist.  
  
The only person that seemed to notice anything wrong with him was the new kid. Martin Dingo. He had the locker next to him. Tommy couldn’t remember who had the locker beside him last year, maybe he had moved.   
  
“Hi Tommy!” Martin had said the first morning. “How was your summer?”  
  
Tommy looked at Martin. He didn’t know the kid he was sure of it. At the time, he didn’t even know his name was Martin (he knew it now as he lay in bed thinking about his day). Martin was a 6’1” senior with pale skin, black clothes and was that eyeliner? Tommy didn’t know guys wore eyeliner. “Are you new here?”  
  
“No, Tommy! We’ve had lockers next to each other since kindergarten! I’m Martin Dingo,” Martin said sounding shocked that Tommy didn’t know him. It was the curse being popular! Sometimes people knew you even if you’d never talked to them before.  
  
Tommy knew the statement wasn’t completely true anyway, because they didn’t have lockers until seventh grade. He nodded his head anyway, to be polite. “Okay, well let me know if you need me to show you around.”  
  
That’s when Tommy was startled out of his conversation with the new kid. “Oh my gosh! Hands off!” Tommy looked up to see Stacey talking to some preppy guy who was touching her hip or trying too. Tommy wasn’t seeing her though. He saw his rapist above him asking him why he didn’t yell. Asking him why he didn’t make him move his hands. Tommy’s eyes widened in horror. He had to get out of here. He turned around and slammed his locker. “Look Martin. I have to go. See you around okay.”  
  
“Yeah okay?” Martin was trying to get a closer look at Tommy. Tommy could feel it, so he took off to class to escape him.  
  
...That is what Tommy is thinking about a few days later in his bedroom. He is staring at his ceiling thinking about Martin. Martin has been pestering him at school since that first day. He is always trying to get a close look at him. Always saying hi, asking questions, and sneaking up on Tommy. He doesn’t like it. 

No one else has noticed anything wrong with Tommy. He even has a date with Stacey later that week. When he is at football practice everyone seems excited about his new aggressive and angry attitude. It has been a good release, it's kept him from lashing out at people. Well...that is...until that afternoon...

Martin had cornered him in the hallway. Tommy wasn’t getting much sleep and he was a little paranoid. So when Martin jumped him again at their lockers Tommy startled.  
  
“Tommy!” Martin yelled. Then he lowered his voice slightly. “I know what’s wrong with you.” Martin was wearing a long black cloak and tight, waaaay too tight pants and a mesh shirt over top of a skin-tight shirt. Which looked really good on him, you know if you got past the entire, goth theme, but tight clothes...mmm...not that Tommy was really looking...no he was just checking to make sure...that Martin wasn't his rapist. ...That all of him wasn't the rapist.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Tommy tried to play dumb, but he had a feeling even then that Martin knew.  
  
“Tommy you have post traumatic stress disorder, commonly referred to as PTSD! You show all the class symptoms. Aggression, over-reacting to being startled and I can’t be certain, but you seem like you feel kind of numb. You’re doing an excellent job of covering it up! It’s easy for me to notice because…well, uh let’s just say it’s because we’ve had lockers next to each other for years,” Martin spoke rapidly, excitedly. Weren’t goths supposed to be depressed?  
  
Tommy slammed his locker shut. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but back off okay. Or your year’s going to be worse then it already is.”  
  
“See what I mean about the aggression? Tommy! Don’t walk away. I want to help!” Martin yelled as Tommy stormed off.  
  
Luckily for Tommy, no one really liked the new kid so his yelling went mostly unheard. Except it echoed in his head all day and it is at its loudest right now...now that he is alone. Tommy doesn’t know what DPST. He doesn’t even know if Martin is right about Tommy having it. What gets to Tommy is that someone noticed that something is wrong. 

At first, he thought that Martin knew about his other secret, that he would out him in front of the entire school. He is relieved that wasn’t the case, of course. That only intensifies the fact that Martin noticed something wrong with him. Even his parents had ignored the problem. He heard his parents mention something to each other, but his dad had told his mom that it was just part of being a teenage boy.

Tommy knew that if he is going to find any help...anyone to even talk to...it is going to be with this new guy Martin. He needs help. He isn’t sleeping because of the nightmares. Also, he is freaking out; he has paranoia that The Man from the lake is stalking him. Which cannot be true, but he feels him. Lurking. In some place close by. He knows it is irrational and untrue, but the fear will not go away.

This is how Tommy rationalizes his need for Martin’s help. He can no longer keep it quiet. He can’t keep it inside. It is driving him crazy! He never screamed when it happened, but if he has to keep it to himself much longer he…well he isn’t sure what he will do. He isn’t a violent person. He doesn’t think about suicide...except to think about not thinking about it and that wasn’t thinking about it at all, right?...Whatever! He knows, however, that something will happen if he keeps it inside. He isn’t prepared to find out what. 

Anyway, he just knows he needs to talk to someone.

Of course...if he is going to go over and ask for help...he is going to have to admit that he knows the kid’s name. It is Merton...Merton Dingle. He also has to admit that he know they have been locker neighbors since the seventh grade. He will have to admit that...since Merton isn’t considered cool...Tommy has pretended that he doesn’t know who Merton is. Which is a horrible thing to do, and a horrible thing to admit. He isn't a horrible person, he just didn't know another way. It has always helped Tommy’s popularity. And he always tries to make up for it by persistently steering Merton’s bullies away from their lockers. Win, win, right? Win, half-win at least? Maybe...yeah, okay he's an asshole...He always tries to make it look like he is worried about his own locker or sometimes he pretends that he had been looking for the bully to ask him for a favor far away from Merton. Which might make Merton less bruised, but probably made Merton feel more alone and isolated than ever. He is a jerk. But, at the time he thought physical pain is worse than neglect, and now...he's not so sure. Maybe Merton figured it out? Or did he think no attention is better then bad attention? Whatever the reason, Merton likes him well enough to be concerned about his well being. At least he notices his well being...that settles it. He is going to have to swallow his pride and talk to Merton, maybe no one will see him, but at this point...even if they do...at least he'll have someone to talk to.

* * *

 

The next morning, Tommy is in luck. Merton is already at their lockers. Actually, he is being shoved inside Tommy’s locker. How did Tim and Travis, a.k.a. T-n-T, get his locker open? Will since it is his locker he is entitled to stop them.

“Guys, guys!” Tommy hurries over to the twins. “Let’s give the new kid a break okay?”

“Yah, you heard him.” Merton brushes the wrinkles from his clothes where T-n-T manhandled him. Merton is wearing leather boots that make him a few inches taller. He has a long sleeve shirt on and gloves with the fingers cut out. He also wears black jeans with several chains. He definitely is not Tommy’s rapist. He blinks and looks at Tommy. “New kid?” He frowns. 

“Ah…” Travis looks at his brother. “Come on, Tim; let’s collect our lunch money for the day.”

“Fine,” Tim gives Tommy a weird look, but they lumber off anyway.

“Thanks Tommy,” Merton says his shoulders slump. He turns to his real locker.

“Look, Merton,” Tommy says. Merton’s head snaps up. He looks shocked. It makes Tommy feel even more guilty; he was still calling him Martin yesterday. “I know you’ve had a locker next to me for the last six years.”

“You do!?” Merton looks excited. He is smiling again and Tommy swallows. “Thanks for back there.”

“Well they were trying to shove you into _my_ locker.” Tommy points out, opening the door wider, he starts to gather his things. Merton nods falling silent and goes back to his things. Okay, so maybe Merton isn’t so annoying. Why is it that everyone gives him such a hard time? Tommy glances at Merton from the corner of his eye. “Hey, I…was thinking about what you said yesterday about PTOX. I don’t know anything about that but…”

“Tommy, it is PTSD!” Merton turns to look at Tommy his expression much more somber, but not like when Tommy called him the new kid. “I’m almost sure I’m right. I mean...I don’t know you that well...and I don’t have a degree or anything, but I spend way too much time on the internet.”

“What does that have to do with…whatever. Please just listen a second. I don’t know if I have that TP thing…I just, I think I need someone to talk to and…I know this probably sounds strange, but I want it to be you,” Tommy whispers. He feels nervous...more nervous then when he is with Stacey. Of course, Stacey is easy, at least for Tommy. She’d do anything for him, or for anyone: Stacey is an awesome person. 

“Say no more! I don’t really know from experience...but sometimes it’s better to talk to someone...professional. I’ll see you after practice then?” Merton asks.

“Yay, after practice works. I’ll go over to your house. What’s your address?” Tommy asks. He has an idea of where Merton lives, but he isn’t sure. Merton tells him how to get there from the school and then Tommy grabs his things and leaves. He is only a little worried about someone seeing them. He is more worried that that Merton’s infectious smile might undo him. He has never met anyone so happy to have him over after school. 

* * *

 

Tommy is glad that Merton agreed to talk to him later that day, after football practice. He is becoming more and more anxious which is worse then the numb feeling from a few days ago. Crowds are getting to him and when he was sacked at practice he almost freaked out over being beneath another player. So as soon as he is done with practice he books it. He runs out of the school.   
  
He only makes it to the end of the block when a hearse pulls up beside him. “Tommy, Tommy!” Merton calls he sticks his head out the window and slows to a stop. Tommy stares at him and then shrugs getting in the hearse. “I know you said you were going to come over after practice, but I was in the library looking up information on PTSD. I know the basics, but I thought it would be helpful if we had something more then that.” Merton gestures to the books on the ground at Tommy’s feet. It makes his feet a little crowded, but he is grateful for Merton’s concern. “Do you need to stop anywhere before?”  
  
“No.” Tommy looks nervously at Merton. Now that he is here he isn’t sure if he can tell Merton what happened. He doesn’t think Merton will pressure him, and that makes him feel a little better, but he knows he needs to come clean. He'll go crazy if he doesn't.  
  
Merton drives them to his house. He seems nervous because he is talking. Tommy isn’t sure what he is talking about anymore because he is using too many pronouns. Tommy is sure they started talking about PTSD, but he isn’t sure how, that leads to seven layered bean dip. “And here we are,” Merton says.

He leads Tommy around to the side and down a few stairs to the basement door. Merton turns on the lights. “This is my lair,” Merton explains. “These are my tombs of dark and mysteries things, there is also porn in there too. This is my snake, Rasputin. Isn’t he cute?” Merton holds up the snake. Tommy rubs him on the head, but refuses to take him from Merton. Merton shrugs and put him on his shoulders. “This is my collection of medieval weapons...some are a little later time pieces...but I don’t really have enough wall space to separate them by time period. This is my torture rack! Don’t worry! I haven’t tortured anyone on that ever. Bed, desk, computer. Couch. Lay there and I’ll sit here. Let me get some paper.” Merton says putting Rasputin down on his desk and looking around for paper.

Tommy sits on the couch. He looks at Merton’s television; well at least he has something cool in his room: racks of video games and movies. Is it because Merton is a fan? Or has he had to learn to entertain himself? Merton comes back over and sits down in an old brown overstuffed chair next to the couch. He puts his feet up on the footstool. “Okay we can do this like I ask you questions and you answer, or you can just start talking…”  
  
“Merton! I don’t want you to be my shrink.” Tommy moves down the couch so he is sitting closer to Merton’s chair. “I just need to talk to someone. I don’t want the entire school to know. I figure you’re my best bet.”  
  
“Really?” Merton blinks. “Why?”  
  
“Well you already noticed, they haven’t. Plus, if you tell anyone...who is going to believe you. I’d just deny it.” Tommy shrugs. He doesn’t think Merton will tell, but the assurance that no one will believe Merton is maybe be more believable.  
  
“Oh,” Merton nods. He looks a little paler than usual. Downtrodden once again by Tommy’s cool act; Tommy feels bad. He does. However, saying he trusts Merton...just seems weird. They aren’t friends. 

“Will you still listen? I really need someone?”  
  
“Oh sure.” Merton sits up putting the pad of paper down on top of his PSP, which is on his coffee table. “I owe you for the locker thing right?”  
  
Tommy doesn’t respond to that. He doesn’t know how to without looking like a jerk. “Okay, I doubt you’re going to believe me..."

"Don’t laugh..."

"I was raped."  
  
Merton’s eyes became so wide it is almost comical. Tommy can tell that is skeptical at first. Then, Merton must believe him, because Merton stops looking shocked and he moves closer. As close as he can get without getting out of his seat. “Tommy...I don’t really know why you’re telling me this. I’m just a kid.”  
  
“I just need to tell someone.” Tommy admits. “I can’t hold it in, but I can’t tell anyone.”  
  
“Why not?” Merton asks.  
  
“Because I’m a guy!” Tommy points out. “A tough guy! I just can’t let people know. No one will understand.”  
  
“Who cares if you’re a guy! No means no!” Merton looks furious about this.  
  
Tommy frowns. Then, he tries making his most pathetic look, the one that gets him things when he wants it. “Please Merton. I need to talk to someone and I can’t talk to anyone...anyone, but you. Cause you knew and they didn’t.”  
  
Merton stares at him for a long time. Maybe he is trying to think of a reason why Tommy needs to go to an adult or maybe he is still confused about why Tommy is talking to Merton out of all their peers. Eventually, he does answer, “Okay, you know what; there are a peer counseling things that some schools have. Ours doesn’t. So I can be your peer counselor thing, but Tommy if it doesn’t work, I am going to insist that you get real help!”  
  
Tommy smiles a wolfish grin. He will be able to talk to Merton, a smart guy, who will probably do his research on this peer counseling thing, and even if it doesn’t help...Merton will only _insist_ that Tommy get help. He will not force him or go behind his back. “Thanks buddy.” Tommy feels a little happy for the first time since the lake. He gets what he wanted and maybe, maybe it will help him get what he needs. An escape. He feels hopeful. That hope is everything. “We can start the peer thing soon. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell you about the details.”  
  
Merton nods. “I get it.” He looks a little grateful, like Tommy has already given him enough information for one day. Then he says something unexpected, “And you know Tommy, you didn’t deserve this.”  
  
“What?” Tommy looks up.   
  
“You don’t deserve to be someone’s victim.” Merton gulps. “Cause you’re an awesome guy, you know?”  
  
“I…” Tommy swallows back tears. He puts his head in his hands as his shoulders shake. Those words...Merton doesn’t know how much those words mean.

After a while, Tommy stops crying. He wipes his eyes on his sleeve and looks up at Merton. The older teenager has such a strange look on his face. Tommy doesn’t know what to think about it. There is no way he is going to ask. Instead: “Want to play video games?”

“Umm…sure.” Merton stands up from his seat and moves around the table to join Tommy on the couch. He takes a moment to get the television and playstation hooked up. “What do you want to play?”

“I don’t know. What’s your favorite?” Tommy asks. 

“By asking me my favorite; you’re asking which one I play the best?” Merton asks. 

“Uh yeah?” Tommy nods.

“Tomb Raider?” Merton asks the game is already in the system. Tommy agrees to play. They play for about an hour before they are interrupted by dinner. “Uh that’s my mom. I’m sure you could join us?”

“I’m going to go.” Tommy stands up stretching his back. “Thanks though.”

“Okay, and we should get together again...to talk more, you know since I’m your peer counselor,” Merton suggests.

“Cool, but not at school. I want it to be private.” Tommy rubs his arms with his hands feeling nervous again.

“ _I_ won’t tell anyone at _school_ , Tommy.” Merton stresses the: ‘I’ and ‘school’ so firmly that Tommy thinks the idea is appalling to Merton. Like he keeps most of his life a secret from people at school. “How about tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow’s Thursday. I have a date with Stacey.” Tommy folds his arms over his chest. He feels weird saying so. After all, Merton knows his secret now doesn’t he? Even if he didn’t say he likes guys, he said he was raped. Only gay guys get raped, don’t they? Merton just nods though like he thinks the date is normal. “Friday’s the first football game. What about Saturday?”

“Saturday?” Merton looks a little surprised. “Uh okay sure. I’ll have to rearrange some things, but I can make it work. Come over anytime after ten I should be ready for you.” 

“Okay cool.” Tommy agrees. “See you at school.”

“Okay.” Merton walks him to the side entrance of the basement. Tommy waves him goodbye and continues home. He really thinks this is going to work. He'll talk to Merton until he feels better about the entire thing. Then he can get back to his plan. He _is_ already feeling better about his date with Stacey tomorrow.

* * *

 

At least, Tommy was feeling better about his date, until the actual date. They are doing fine. Stacey is talking about cheerleading and how even though she is a feminist she thinks cheerleading is just empowering. Tommy nods and drinks his milkshake not really agreeing, but knowing that a person can easily like two things that don’t necessarily make sense.

Then they start to dance, which is fine too, even though they are touching. Tommy is use to Stacey because they flirted and stuff _before._ Though she dated the varsity quarterback last year, she was still very friendly with Tommy. It wasn't ever cheating, but she did walk the line very closely back then.

“Mm Tommy, let’s go to look out point. I think you deserve a special treat,” Stacey whispers in his ear. He pulls away. That word. It is like cool water running down his spine. He is overcome with fear. He isn’t afraid of Stacey, but the fear takes hold and will not let go. He can't be here anymore. He has to go! “Tommy, are you okay?”

“Look Stacey. I-I’m not…I have to go,” Tommy says not wanting to say he isn’t ready to take her to look out point, because he has had sex with girls before. Stacey knows that. So he leaves without an excuse. He just books it.

He runs out the back of the factory. He leans against the wall, sighs. On a normal date, he would never think of taking off like that, but he is too freaked out to care. He shivers and tries not to vomit. He takes deep breaths until the sick feeling disappears.

"Stop it!" He hears someone yell. He looks up, eyes wide in fear, chest pounding. “Guys! Guys get off!” It is Merton! Tommy gulps that doesn’t sound good, but knowing Merton, and all the bullies he has, Tommy reasons it is more innocent than he initially thinks. He sneaks over to look around the corner. Tim and Travis are behind the record store. They are taking turns punching Merton. “Hey! That’s leather!” 

Merton isn’t wearing his usual school clothes. He is in short, short,  _short_ black shorts with fishnet tights on underneath. They fishnets run down his legs and into his boots. He is wearing a mesh shirt and his makeup is much thicker than at school. Merton is _so_ not his rapist!

“Look at this little faggot, Travis. Wants to pick up a John I bet,” Tim says to his brother. “We don’t like that do we?”

“No, we don’t need fags in our town,” Travis agrees punching Merton in the jaw. Tommy can hear the crack from where he stands. Merton looks dazed from the blow.

“Oh yeah, if our town doesn’t want gays, then why does it have an underground gay club? Why is there a Gay-Straight Alliance at the high school?” Merton spits blood as he talk.

“Watch it! You’re going to get AIDS in my eye!” Travis steps back worried about the blood on his face, but Tim steps forward to keep hold of Merton. 

“There are gay people underground right now? Tell us where?” Tim’s threatens. 

“Yeah there underground...digging up from hell! We have to stop them. But first you.” Travis agrees. Tim locks Merton into a hold so that Travis could pummel his fist into his gut. Merton lets out a grunt as the wind is knocked from his lungs.

That little sound has Tommy seeing red. Tommy steps out from around the corner. “Guys! I need that kid to pass biology.” Tommy isn’t even taking biology this year, but he just wants them to stop. 

“Tommy!” Merton looks surprised to see him.

“We’re just having a nice chat with the fag here.” Travis points to Merton.

“Just because he dresses a little different it doesn’t make him a fag. Okay? And I think you beat the talk right out of him. Whoa, have you two been drinking? Smoking?” He starts to circle around the twins, who instinctively keep their distance and that means that Tommy is now standing beside Merton.

“Umm no.”  They deny. Tommy stares hard at them. “Don’t tell our Pa!” Tim says. Tommy feels pleased, he knows the twins only listen to their father, and he also knows that Tim and Travis got in a lot of trouble the last time they were caught drinking. The thought of their father makes them back off. "See you at the game tomorrow, Dawkins.”

Tommy turns to look at Merton. He looks over his clothes. They are a little roughed up, but there is no blood on them. Merton smiles. “Thanks Tommy! I thought you had a date tonight?” 

“I did.” Tommy looks back towards the factory. “I kind of freaked out and left.”

“You did what?” Merton looks surprised. “I know, I’m not cool by any means, but isn’t that a big no in the playbook of dating?”

Tommy gives Merton a look that says that he does not want to tell him to shut up, but he wants him shut up anyway. “Hey...when you said there was an underground gay club…does that mean?”

“Yes, there is one. Since, I had to rearrange my plans for Saturday...I thought I’d go out today. I try to make it into the city, on the weekends. The club here is filled with a bunch of married men trolling. It’s creepy.” Merton shrugs.

“Really? Anyone I know?” Tommy asks.

“Uh, no-no. The secret to an underground gay club is that, well, it’s a secret. I can’t just tell you, unless you want to go?” Merton scolds wagging his finger at Tommy.

“Okay,” Tommy agrees. Although, normally he wouldn’t; he is sort of curious. It had been his plan to be one of those married man, even if it was creepy. “Uh, but not tonight. You know with me running out of Stacey...I don’t think I’m up for it.”

“Ah alright. Anyway, if I’m going to take you out, might as well take you to the city. So do you want to come back to the lair instead? We could watch a movie, make some popcorn?” Merton says seeming to take Tommy’s interest in stride. Maybe he didn’t believe Tommy when he said yes. Either way, Tommy is so stunted by the lack of surprise. All he can do is nod. “Great. I parked the hearse at the factory, but if you don’t want to be seen hanging out with me...I can come pick it up tomorrow.”

“And let you get cornered by someone worse then T-n-T, don’t think so,” Tommy answers. The truth is he doesn’t care if people see him with Merton. Tommy is beginning to think all the rumors about him aren’t correct. He is a pretty cool guy.

Merton smiles brilliantly. “Great! And if you want to tell me what freaked you out at the date go ahead.” Merton leads them back to the factory twirl the keys in his hand.

Tommy doesn’t answer. He decides he'll answer once they are back at Merton’s because, although he doesn’t care if someone sees them together. He doesn’t want people to overhear them. 

“So...let me just make sure. You being okay with being seen with me…makes us friends?” Merton asks.

Tommy hears the need in Merton’s voice. That alone might have made him agreed, but that isn’t the reason he does so. A guy like Tommy can afford to have as many friends as he wants even if they aren’t the coolest kids. Plus, Merton is doing him a huge favorite, keeping his secret, and being more of friend then any of his friends...all without excepting anything. Merton has hope, but not expectation. So he answered casually, but truthfully. “Sure thing, buddy.” 

“Buddy,” Merton smiles brightly and looks like he is about to fly circles around the parking lot. “Great!”


	2. The Bookmobile

Merton always knew Tommy was a good guy. Even though, Tommy use to pretend that he didn’t know him, he was always polite to him. He never tried to hit him or make fun of him. It was easy to mistake Tommy’s lack of notice as Tommy’s struggle with popularity, right? If he had as many friends, acquaintances, hanger-oners and fans as Tommy, he’d have trouble keeping track of them as well. Merton is sure of it. Being polite is fine in Merton’s book. It could have been worse.   
  
Yet, he would have never imagined that Tommy could be this great. It is like they have been friends all along. It never feels like Tommy only keeps Merton around because of a dark secret, which only Merton knows. Merton wonders if this is how Tommy is with everyone. That explains why he has so many friends. 

Tommy comes over a few times a week to play video games or watch movies. Merton helps him with his homework sometimes. And of course, they talked. They don’t talk that much about Tommy’s secret. Tommy doesn’t always want to talk about that. Merton never forces him. Although, he still acts a little different in school it wasn’t like that first week. The knowledge that Merton is there for Tommy to talk to…when he needs…is enough to help Tommy…most days.  
  
Merton read that survivors of trauma will sometimes act overenthusiastic. It is a way to keep people’s attention from what happened. Tommy does that. He doesn’t want people to notice that he’s been hurt. He doesn’t want them to ask questions. So he gets people to notice him by being even more outgoing, friendlier and more energetic then he ever was before. He was always happy go lucky and friendly before, Merton knows, but that was a natural personality. This, this is pushing. This is overacting. People didn’t notice. Or if they did they would say, senoritis, or boys-will-be-boys. The most troublesome was that no one seemed to notice when Tommy would startle when surprised or how sometimes he would have an anxiety attack. Merton helped Tommy if he was around. He would say a soothing haiku or try to setting a soothing scene to help Tommy get to his safe, calm place. Because their last names were close together in the alphabet they often sat beside each other in classes. Merton would whisper to him if he noticed that Tommy was freaking out. It helped most of the times, and the other times, it would be enough so that Tommy could ask to go to the bathroom.  
  
In the lair, Tommy is much more relaxed. He is there more often then at his own house saying that his parents and brother are too loud. What he doesn’t say is that he is upset that they don’t ask him what is wrong. Merton can relate, his parents don’t pay attention to him, either. Merton knows that Tommy’s parents aren’t as distant as his own. They are public figures and it is clear they loved their sons. However, Merton met Tommy’s brother since they became buddies. He understands now. Tommy’s parents enable their sons. Allow their problems manifest, linger and fester. It is a different sort of neglectful. They take care of their son’s needs and wants…but emotionally they are distant. Merton’s parents are physically distant more than anything, and that sucks sometimes, but he knows they really love him and his sister. It’s worse, it has to be worse that Tommy’s parents look at him every morning and every night, and they don’t see him. They don’t see what is really going on. Merton thinks it is worse.  
  
Though Tommy doesn’t talk too much about what happened, over the course of the first month of school, Merton has fished out most of the details of the first encounter. He knows there were a dozen more, but Tommy doesn’t give too many details about them. He knows they happened, but Tommy says that it is too hard for him to remember them clearly. Like all of the times have blurred together. Merton thinks that might be common for someone going through trauma…blocking out details, but he’s not certain. Merton thinks he must be doing a decent job at listening when Tommy speaks. It’s not something he really likes to hear about, but he knows that it’s important that Tommy have him as an outlet. Merton can do that…he will do that for Tommy, his buddy.  
  
At least…Merton thought that Tommy was his friend except that earlier that day something happened. And now Merton thinks…perhaps he was just a convenient substitute…

“Hey Merton.” Tommy comes by his locker smiling happily.

Merton can’t tell if it is fake, or if it Tommy is actually happy. It is early in the morning and Tommy usually looked better in the mornings, especially if he didn’t have any nightmares. “Hey Tommy! What’s up?”

“My Dad hired a mobile library to come in town for a while. I know you like books and things so I thought you might be interested,” Tommy suggests he is facing his locker and Merton can’t see his face around the door.

“A mobile library? The library at the school is actually a very good one.” Merton points out he turns to his own locker. “I’ll pass.”

“Suit your self,” Tommy says back. Merton sees him shrug his shoulders slightly.

Then, without warning a hammy hand grabs the back of Merton’s head and shoves his face against the locker. “Hey dingle dork!”

“Ow! Guys!” Merton yells. His face throbs and his ears ring. He recognizes the voice as Tim’s. He yelps again when a second set of fists start punching him in the ribs. “Hey! Stop,” Merton pleads.

“Travis, Tim!” Tommy slams his locker shut. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Travis says releasing Merton. Travis and Tim step away.

Merton takes the time to get out of reach. He steps behind Tommy holding his head in his hands.

“The librarian at the mobile read our palms. She said that I would have luck with something that started with M,” Tim says

“Yah and she said that I would be successful against something that starts with D,” Travis explains.

“So you hit Merton?” Tommy glares at the two of them.

“Yeah **M** erton **D** ingle.” Travis emphasizes the M and the D.

“She probably meant money and death,” Merton says from behind Tommy. “Fortune tellers are notorious for saying that people will be successful in with money, love and death. She probably only told you the first letters so that you’ll to go back for more predict about your futures.”

“Money!” Travis and Tim share a look. “Death!’

They look at Tommy. Tim says, “Bye! We better get back to the librarian. She said once we figure out what the letters stood for she’d have more for us.”

“Thanks Dingle! We’ll be back later for more answers!” Travis calls before following his brother down the hall.

Merton rubs his ribs. “Great…I know just how that will go.”

“A fortune teller?” Tommy looks at Merton. “Do you believe in that stuff?”

“Well actually, they said she read their palms. So she is a palm reader. Traditionally, palm readers can only tell you what has already occurred, not what lies in your future. However that doesn’t keep palmist from making people think otherwise. It’s all about money you know.” Merton shrugs.

“So you believe it?” Tommy asks.

Merton sighs and shakes his head turning to the locker. “I would like to, but I really don’t think our lives are controlled by destiny. I think it is controlled by choices and luck.” 

“Choice?” Tommy frowns.

Merton sees the frown for what it means. “It doesn’t have to be your choice. It could be someone else’s; you’re the victim of that choice.” Tommy nods, but he doesn’t look better. Merton shuts his locker and then puts an arm around Tommy’s shoulder leading him to class. “Come on big guy let’s talk about this Friday. Have any big plans?”

“I’m supposed to go to the Factory after the game with Stacey,” Tommy admits.

“Well that’s great!” Merton encourages glad that Tommy is still talking. That means he wouldn’t go into a panic.

* * *

Then, during lunch Stacey is sitting with Tommy at the senior table. Merton feels disappointed because he is _still_ not allowed at that table. Usually Tommy will eat lunch with him…or at least visit him, but Tommy just ignores him. It is painful for Merton, but what can he do? He tries remember how he was before he became friends with Tommy…but it’s not quite the same. Besides, he can hear them talking. “Strange, since they’re across the room,” Merton mutters. “Now you’re talking to yourself. Stop it. Shh…they’re talking…”

“You shouldn’t hang out with him, Tommy. He’s is so weird. It’s weird that you hang out with him. You’re weird to hang out with him. You don’t have to be mean…just be cool. It’s our senior year…no reason to be charitable now.” Stacey says to Tommy. Is that her foot on Tommy’s calf! Get a room!

“Stop it, Stacey,” Tommy hisses. He tries to move his leg away.                                                                

“I can’t stop. We’re meant for each other. Lately all you do is hang out with that kid, Merton. Tommy, think about what you’re doing.”

“I am thinking. I have been. Merton understands me. He gets me.” Tommy stands up. “I don’t have to deal with this. I don’t care if you cannot accept us. What we have is better then popularity or reputation…” Tommy walks; no he saunters over to Merton’s table grabs Merton by his shoulders and pulls him into a kiss… 

Ok, so Merton has a big imagination. He couldn’t really hear what was going on at the table, and he gave up early on. He just eats his lunch and tries not to look over too much. He does a good job, because when he does look up…he sees that Tommy isn’t at the senior table anymore. The rest of the senior class is still there, and no one is wearing an expression that says Tommy just took off. So he probably left a while ago. Anyway, whatever, he’s not going to check up.

Alright, so maybe he leaves the cafeteria too, and goes to his locker which is right next to Tommy’s. Maybe he notices that Tommy hasn’t been there because Merton can see his textbook  inside his the locker. And man does his cramp his neck to look through the slits.

So maybe after that…he just decides to take a walk around the halls, and after lunch walk, helps with digestion! He walks outside to the football field. But he isn’t looking for Tommy. He’s not! He just happens to find Tommy outside near the music classroom with his hands in his hair. It is all chance really! He approaches carefully and says, “Hey Tommy!”

“Merton?” Tommy looks up. “Did you follow me out here?”

“Nope…just taking a stroll after lunch. You know…to help with digest.” Merton rubs his stomach. “What are you doing out here?”

“Stacey went to see that librarian palmer reader and now she thinks that we’re meant to be together! She started flirting with me and I tried to flirt back like I usually do, but then she said that I _deserved_ her. I don’t know I just freaked out.” Tommy has his hands in fists now and is bouncing them against the wall behind him.

“Tommy, how many times do I have to tell you…your future isn’t in your palms…your palms can only tell you about what has happened, not what will. You and Stacey were sort of together…last year. If she felt like she was in love with you back then it could have changed the lines in her palms to that it was reflected. A palmist will know that, and exploit it. If she was reading tarot cards or bones, then that’s a different story!” Merton explains. He steps closer to Tommy and puts a hand on his shoulder. One thing Merton has learned in the last few weeks, Tommy likes to be touched. He likes that feeling of someone close to him. As long as it is, someone that he trusts. Merton supposes, that even a weekend of bad touches, can’t undo that. Or perhaps the weekend made the need greater…Strange, right? Whatever it is Merton doesn’t mind. And he knows he will never break Tommy’s trust. So he doesn’t think it is a problem giving Tommy hugs or gentle touches.

“So if she read my palm…could she…would she know about me?” Tommy asks looking frightened.

“Maybe. Although a traumatic experience, it could have been too short to leave a mark on your palm. Anyway, palmists like to tell people good things, because it makes more money,” Merton shrugs.

Tommy nods along. “So if she can find out…then maybe she could help me. Tell me what I need to do in the future. Merton…you have to come with me after school.”

“What to have your palm read? She’s obviously a crooked palm reader. She’s using her ability to take money from people by telling them the future not their past. If she can even read palms!”

“So…maybe she _can_ tell futures too? We have to go. Please Merton. I don’t want to go on my own…maybe she can help us.” Tommy asks.

“Us?” Merton is a little surprised. Even though he is helping Tommy he never knew that Tommy considers it their problem. It makes Merton swoon a bit. So, that’s why he agrees to go.

* * *

 

The mobile librarian has a pretty good collection Merton will to admit that, but it doesn’t distract him from the big sign, next to the one telling people to be quiet, that reads: God hates Fags. That really doesn’t make Merton that a fan of God right then, or the lady. She takes one look at Merton and starts in on him in this strict school teacher way.

“Look at the way you’re dressed. I know what you are you little fairy freak. Get out of my shop right now!” She orders him and holds up a sign that says she doesn’t lend to gays. Merton doesn’t try to deny it. He may have if he was at school, but even with Tommy there he doesn’t want to lie about the fact that he is actually proud of who he is. People give him a hard-time being into gothic stuff, seeming feminine and liking guys…if they even notice the last two, most people don’t get passed the first one to even notice that his wardrobe is fantastic…and that he primps every day. Which is fine, being picked on for being Goth is easy, that is something he chose at a young age and he is pretty sure he will grow out of, at least to some extent, when he is like 60, but being picked on for something he can’t change doesn’t bother him. 

“See Tommy…we’re not wanted we should go.” Merton shrugs turning right around and heading to the door.

“He can stay,” The librarian says. “He’s such a sweet boy so handsome and cute, but you!”

Merton turns around and looks at Tommy. So he doesn’t know if Tommy is gay, but seriously he is hoping Tommy will just leave with him, because then it is less embarrassing. Tommy doesn’t look up at him. He just starts down at the floor or the librarian’s desk or something.

“Fine, whatever, get you palm read. Have this liar tell you how wonderful your life is going to be. Probably won’t even notice the truth even if it is written on your palm. I don’t care. Maybe she can help you with her lies. I’ll just be going. You know where the lair is if you need me,” Merton says and with that he is gone. Hurrying out before he does something more embarrassing, like cry. He doesn’t wait for Tommy to say anything. He knows Tommy isn’t going to. Tommy is determined to get the lady’s help. 

* * *

 

Maybe it is for the best. Everyone knows that Tommy liked Stacey at one point. Merton’s fantasies are just that…nothing else. Maybe…since Tommy was obviously raped by some perverted guy…it is better that Tommy doesn’t seek help in someone who…also likes guys. Okay, so Merton doesn’t think he is anything like that asshole that raped Tommy. However, it isn’t like Merton hasn’t gone to the city before, looking for a guy. He is an outcast at school and sometimes the loneliness is too much. It’s hard to find anyone interest in him that is also in high school. Most of the men that he finds are older men, men that want to dominate him. It isn’t rape not even when he was barely sixteen and sneaking into clubs. It is scummy though. Sometimes Merton hates what he does with them. But if it wasn’t for them…he would almost entirely be alone. He settles for what he can. 

He thinks that as soon as he gets into college he will be surrounded by more people. Surely some people will want to be around him, and maybe a few of those guys will even want to date him. He is fine with that. Really he is. He just has to remember how to survive until then. Because right now, all he knows is that he really misses the sort-of friendship that he had with Tommy. The one that is now ruined. Merton isn’t sure if he can go back to surviving the way he did before.

He tries to mimic the old behavior. He dresses up in short-shorts with knee-high boots. He wears a leather vest and black leather gloves. He fixes his hair into prefect spikes and smudges so much eyeliner on. He feels exposed and vulnerable. He hates it! He knows that it is what he wears to the clubs that he used to frequent. But it feels uncomfortable now.

The club is basically just an old warehouse. So it is in a rather large room. It is filled with dancers. The lighting is horrible and the smell is a mix of sweat, alcohol, sex and drugs. He stares at the people dancing, but can’t quite remember the appeal. 

Merton sips his drink: a sweet tea vodka on ice. He looks around the room at the dancers and the flashing lights.

Merton isn’t sure he wants to dance, but that’s what he usually does. So he drinks the rest of his drink and heads to the dance floor. At least give it ago.

It doesn’t take long for Merton to find a partner…or a partner finds him while he is swaying his hips. He isn’t always sure if guys are interested because he is attractive or if it he is a warm body, dancing invitingly.

The man is what some people call a grizzly bear. He has a full beard and is large with huge muscles and about as tall as Tommy. Merton is a good 6’1” and with his boots he is only an inch shorter than this bear, but he is massive compare to Merton. It makes him feel like he is suffocating or being crushed. Despite that feeling, he lets Grizzly-bear pull him into a dark corner. Merton doesn’t really feel it, but he goes along. He kneels down and slurps him into his mouth. Grizzly-bear’s penis isn’t nearly as big as the rest of him, smaller than Merton pictured. Smaller than Merton? Maybe. It makes it easy to take care of him.

He closes his eyes. Sees Tommy. He doesn’t think about Tommy in front. No. He thinks about Tommy…scared and helpless…in the woods where he was raped…by some sick pervert. Merton wonders, what he is doing, is very different. 

Sure he isn’t being raped, but he isn’t sure if he really has any more control over his sexual life than Tommy had. He has been sneaking into the clubs for years. He’s sucked guys since he was a freshman. He always thinks it is his choice…but if he has a choice…then he would choose…a boyfriend…someone his own age. One that went to his school, one who was just learning about sex to and they fumble through the steps together. But he can’t have that. Not at Pleasantville High. Not even at a neighboring school. So he allows this. Is this better than what happened to Tommy? Yes. Probably…Tommy didn’t deserve what happened to him. He is the nicest guy at school and he is gorgeous. Merton….probably does deserve to be on his knees with a dick in his mouth. He isn’t good or pure like Tommy. He is sick. A pervert just like The Man in the woods.

Grizzly-bear finishes and Merton goes home. He can’t stomach being in that scene for any longer. He decides to just go home and sleep.

* * *

 

He is surprised to find Tommy waiting for him, in the lair. Tommy must have been there a while, because he is asleep on the couch. He gently wakes Tommy with a shake against his shoulder.

Tommy’s eyes open slowly. He looks a little disoriented, like he doesn’t realize that he had fell asleep, “Merton?”

“Hey Tommy, what’s up?” Merton tries to sound casual, knows he sounds too curious to pull it off. Hopefully, it doesn’t make him seem pathetic. Merton sits down on the table between the television and the couch. It is mostly a mess of game consoles, but Merton makes room.

Tommy sits up more. “What are you wearing?”

Merton glances down at his outfit; it is typical club wear for him. Opps! Merton flushes. “I went to a club…in the city…tonight. Here let me change. You can gather your thoughts.”

“Merton!” Tommy’s hand shoots out and grabs Merton’s wrist. “I still don’t understand why you’re dressed like that, but it isn’t upsetting me.”

“Oh good, but now that you pointed it out I’m getting uncomfortable,” Merton replies. He is even fidgeting. It is all because Tommy is staring at him in this way that Merton has never seen before. He doesn’t know what else to do. He barely manages to sit down correctly.

Tommy lets go of Merton’s wrist. He sits up on the couch. He leans forward so that their knees press together Tommy spreads his knees a little putting Merton’s between Tommy’s. Merton looks up at Tommy. Does he even know what he is doing? No, he can’t. Tommy has this honest open look on his face. “I want to apologize about earlier today. When you were telling me about palm reading…I thought it was the answer to everything. She would see what was wrong with me and maybe help me.”

“Apology accepted?” Merton asks. He pretty much forgave Tommy when he found him on his couch. “Did she help?”

“No. You were right. She was a con. All she wanted to do was tell me about how I was going to be wealthy. That I would have a beautiful wife and we would have plenty of kids. I kept waiting for her to get over the con and realize the truth, but she just didn’t.” Tommy’s gaze falls to their legs. His head hangs slightly. 

“I know…I shouldn’t have...you don’t know how much you’ve help me, Merton. It’s just…I thought if she could see what was wrong, just by looking at my palm, then maybe she had something magical that could help me.”

Merton lets out a long held breath, maybe held since that afternoon. “Maybe…we shouldn’t try a quick fix it or to ‘magic’ this. Maybe we need to focus on changing our reaction to it.”

“We?” Tommy looks up.

Merton’s breath is taken from him once more. Tommy’s eyes are shining: with tears or hope. Tommy is just so gorgeous…does he know that?

Merton smiles at Tommy. “I can’t go back to being that scared-gay-goth kid who only survived because I spend my weekends with strangers in the city. I have never wanted that…and now, I don’t need it either.”

Tommy stares at Merton for a long time. Has he said too much? He didn’t mean to admit all of that, but Merton really doesn’t have practice with discretion. After all he spent most of his life without friends, so he didn’t really know when to stop talking. It is said now, and it is impossible for him to take back.

“Do you mind if I stay here tonight?” Tommy finally asks pointing to the couch.

Merton shrugs. “Couch is yours Tommy. I don’t think I have anything for you to sleep in. I could try to take something from my Dad.”

“I’ll be fine.” Tommy replies smiling softly.

“Great. Let me gets out of this club gear. Pick out a movie or game if you want.” Merton stands up and slips past Tommy’s legs. Tommy starts rummaging through the videos. When Merton returns in his black pajamas, Tommy has fallen asleep again. Merton doesn’t wake Tommy that time. Instead, he says softly, “Good night Tommy.”


End file.
